My special, lovely, angry tomato monster is only one and a half years old, and he is on the spectrum.
I actually knew Griffin was autistic when he was only a couple months old. Plenty of people have tried to talk me out of this, or "reassure" me when I point out the very autistic things he does. Of course, I don't concern myself with those things. I am confident about what I see in my kids every day and I haven't been wrong about any of it yet. Building on that, I am not just "looking for things to be wrong" as people have accused me in the past. There's nothing wrong with Griffin, or me, or any of my kids - autistic or otherwise. I will admit however that I do spend an absurd amount of time analyzing every little thing he does. That's just me and my overactive brain, I guess.
When people question these things that I know to be autistic traits, it is mostly because they lack the understanding that I have. If you point out one thing, they will excuse it away. "All kids develop differently," they say. "My child/my cousin's child/my little brother did that but he grew out of it."
There's a fundamental difference here - my baby is part of an extremely autistic family, and these traits are not isolated. They are pervasive, consistent, and an integral part of his character. Realistically though, I don't blame people for not really understanding. As his mother, I can see the motivation behind some of his actions that would otherwise be construed as nothing unusual. That, I suppose, is what they call a mother's intuition - which, statistically, is more likely to discern autism than a pediatrician (but more on that later).
I am not here to convince anyone that Griff is a little autist, but for the sake of educational purposes, here are some of the indicators that presented early on:
As a newborn, he would sit and stare quietly... for an absurd length of time. He would literally sit there, awake, without making so much as a single coo. He wasn't sleepy. He was just taking it all in, I suppose... for about the first two months. While sitting there like a robot or an alien, staring off into space or at my phone if I happened to be taking a picture, he would just barely start to furrow his brow. He had a way of almost always looking somewhat puzzled by what precisely the hell was going on out here beyond the womb.
He also always had a confused look on his face. While sitting there like a robot or an alien, staring off into space or at my phone if I happened to be taking a picture, he would just barely start to furrow his brow. He had a way of almost always looking somewhat puzzled by what precisely the hell was going on out here beyond the womb.
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| Newborn Griffin, looking confused and startled as was his usual. |
When he wasn't staring, he was trying to leap out of our arms. I know, some babies are naturally very squirmy. That is not what we were dealing with. Griffin would be content to be held one minute, then suddenly push off from the person holding him without regard to his own safety or presence of gravity. I had not yet experienced a baby this age that would try taking a suicidal leap into oblivion rather than be held for one second longer, and it really caught me off guard. It was like holding a toddler who suddenly says, "put me down," only this was an infant. And he did it for no apparent rhyme or reason. Between my husband, my father, and I, we nearly dropped him pretty much every day.
He wouldn't give baby kisses. You know how babies reach a few months old (maybe a little later for typical babies... I don't know, because my kids did all this stuff super early until Griffin came along) they start trying to give kisses? They will open their mouths and come at you like a hungry bird in a slobbery attempt to basically eat your face? It is the most adorable but also the most disgusting thing. Every baby does it at some point or another. Griffin never really did it at all. He went through a really small phase where he supposedly kissed his dad, and his grandpa, maybe three times over the course of about two months. I didn't really see it happen, but they assured me it did. Other than that, there were no kisses to be had until much much later when they were toddler kisses.
He wouldn't smile or laugh for the longest time. Supposedly, social smiling begins around six weeks. That has never been my experience. All of my kiddos smiled much earlier than that. Royal started smiling in response to stimuli around one week old. Not one of my children waited until 6 weeks to smile except Griffin. He took even longer to start doing it regularly. I remember messaging people and asking if they had ever seen a baby that wouldn't smile or laugh. Of course, everyone assured me that it was normal (it is not normal). Maybe they assumed that by asking, I was expressing fear or anxiety over it? I don't know. All I really wanted was validation. "Oh... yeah, that is kind of weird. What a weird baby." "Yes, thank you. He is weird, indeed."
He hated breastfeeding. I'm a long time breastfeeding advocate from way back. I do it on-demand, I do it all through the night, wherever, whenever. I had some difficulties with Rowan but I chalk that up to being inexperienced. I certainly have had no problems since. Until Griffin, anyways. He would get fussy, and I would try to get him to nurse, and he would get mad. He would claw at me and scream. When he would latch on, he was constantly trying to pull away, and it seemed like he wanted to breastfeed from a distance if he had to do it at all. None of my attempts to pull him closer or reposition him made any difference. He was hungry but refused to nurse for more than a minute. Because of this, I was nursing him for what seemed like hours at a time. He STILL has issues even tough be is primarily breastfed! He will nurse for about one minute, then pull away and shove my boob out of his face. Then he will scream at me until I offer him the other boob. We do this back and forth until one of us is fed up. It's so much fun (not).
He hated solids, too. When the time came to start solids, I hoped it would have a positive affect on our strained breastfeeding relationship. It did not. You would think that a baby who disliked nursing so much would love being able to satisfy their hunger a different way, but nope. He did not like any flavor or any texture I offered him. I tried to give him potatoes and he let them fall straight back out of his mouth. He quickly decided it was safer to refuse food before we ever got as far as putting it in his mouth so he would bat us away before we got any ideas. He hated apples. He hated yogurt. He hated fish. He hated bread. He hated eggs. He has gotten much better, but the first 6 months were a failure.
He hated co-sleeping. This is a weird one for sure. I have slept with every child in my bed from birth. I have never had the experience of a baby sleeping anywhere except in my arms for the first two years of their life. Griffin was not okay with this. He would be fussy and toss and turn all night when he was in bed with us, and ultimately I ended up letting him sleep somewhere else when I was so tired I couldn't deal anymore.
When he finally became okay with co-sleeping, he struggled to sleep. Griffin was a decent sleeper in our bed eventually, but only if we didn't touch him, didn't get near him, didn't put the blanket on him and just left him alone. That's kind of difficult when you have a small baby sleeping in a giant bed. I wanted him close enough to me that I could wake up if he moved or anything, but he wanted nothing to do with it. He would kick all the blankets off and scoot far away from me every night.
He wouldn't make eye contact. As if breastfeeding wasn't weird enough already, Griffin would not look at me while he was nursing. As he got older, I started to notice it wasn't just while nursing; Griffin avoids eye contact quite a bit still.
He wouldn't engage at all. There's nothing like well-meaning people telling you how to teach your kid stuff, especially when you have six other kids. The "problem" with Griffin is not that I got lazy, or that the other kids do stuff for him. It's not, as my dad suggested, because I need to talk to him. Griffin just won't engage. I have tried saying his name and getting him to look at me. I have tried the to point to things or teach him things, but he is very adamant about remaining disconnected if he wants to. Which brings me to the other issue:
He had near-homicidal rage. I have seen babies throw little fits. They learn it at quite a young age. Nothing, however, compares to the fury that I have witnessed from my angry little tomato. And the reason I call him an angry tomato is because he has a fat round face and when he is screaming, his entire face turns a scary shade of red. He has already experienced the infant version of the autistic meltdown. We have concluded that during these times, if he had been holding a weapon, one of us would be dead. Not too long ago, he went nuts while we were in the car. I took a soda bottle from him, and he started screaming so hard he could hardly make a sound while simultaneously flailing and throwing himself backwards. He simply did not stop. After about fifteen straight minutes, my dad finally asked if there was something wrong with him (as in... medically wrong. Not sure what that would be). He was freaking out for longer than I had ever seen a baby do so.
He didn't want to be cuddled. Most newborns love getting all snuggly warm and a lot of the time, just want their mommy. Griffin did not. He didn't seem to care if it was me holding him or one of the kids, but either way, he wanted to be held upright and not too tightly.
He was picky about his clothes. We had to (still do) be aware of what we were dressing him in. He would be fussy if we put him in fleece or anything restricting. He also would squirm around in his sleeper until he had both legs pulled up into the body, or both his arms inside. I don't know how many times I picked him up to find that his sleeper looked like a bunting and he apparently had missing limbs.
He would laugh and smile if a sibling was screaming and crying, but nothing could startle him or make him sad. When he finally started showing emotion, it was the wrong one. I hesitate to say "wrong" because, really, who cares? Who is to say what is the appropriate response to anything? But for the sake of saving time, I will just say he did not react in the typical way to most things. He was very amused by the other kids acting hysterical and crying and carrying on. When most babies become easily startled, however, he was unaffected. Nothing would make him pout or cry from actual sadness as most babies do.
He wouldn't babble or attempt to communicate with attempted words - except to screech like a pterodactyl from Hell. He still doesn't call me mama. He doesn't say hello or bye bye. I have heard him say "owe" a few times, and when he wants to nurse he will point to me and say, "dis." His speech is profoundly limited. He never babbled normally. At the age he should have been learning to string multiple sounds and syllables together, he played with "babababababa" for maybe a few days. He points, grunts, and shrieks. Somehow we all communicate with him just fine though. We never find ourselves frustrated or confused about what it is he wants or what he is trying to say.
He wouldn't play games with us. When everyone is telling you the "cure" for your baby's lack of engagement, it can be quite a headache. Taking into account that your child will not cooperate at all, it is beyond obnoxious. I'm sorry to inform everyone, but Griffin, despite all my efforts, just wouldn't play with us like other babies. There would be no patt-a-cake. He wouldn't clap or wave. The only thing he would do was peek-a-boo, and that didn't come until he was much older than usual for such a game. He still loves peek-a-boo.
Okay, so this looks like a comprehensive list proving that Griffin was/is a slug who lays around like a fat lump and does literally nothing. That's obviously not the case. For good measure, I will divulge what Griffin actually does:
He loves to fold clothes. He will take a paper towel or a clean puppy pad if he can't find anything else, and he will spread it out carefully on the table or floor. He will proceed to roll it up or fold it, then straighten it out again. When he is finished, he always grunts at me to admire his work. "See? I folded it," is what he is saying. "Oh, wow, good job!" He smirks in response.
He likes to pretend that he is a dog. It is the funniest thing I have ever seen. It is subtle and I don't think most people would even notice it. He gets down on the floor and crawls around, shaking his head as if he is eating or playing. I thought it was strange at first because he was beyond the stage of crawling, and he doesn't really behave in a typical silly baby fashion. After watching him for a while, I finally realized what he was doing. I asked him if he was a doggy and he grunted and shook his head yes.
He has a dry sense of humor. He can make me laugh by making ironic faces. No, I am not joking. He does not do baby humor. Sometimes he will look at me, and then do something super weird like planking, waiting for me to laugh. We have decided he is either a robot or some old German man reincarnated.
He's also good at slapstick. He will walk up and smack stuff out of people's hands and then look around to see who is laughing. I don't know how or when he learned this, and I know it should not be encouraged but it is SO DAMN FUNNY... when he does it to someone else.
He loves dancing, but takes it very seriously. He is easily embarrassed about it though. If you watch him too closely he will get bashful and stop. There is very little smiling or joy on his face when he is dancing. I think if any other person saw it, they would say, "how do you know he enjoys it?" I just do, okay?
He has recently started singing - which he also takes very seriously. It's the only time he seems to try to use words. Whenever I say, "Griff, are you singing?" he gets embarrassed.
He loves the animals. He tries to kiss them and hug them all the time. He also tries to discipline them and gets PISSED when they take food from his hand, and when they bump into him or the dogs hit him with their tails.
He likes to play with blocks and similar constructive toys. He lined them up the other day (which is so stereotypical of autism, even though none of my other kids have done that) and it was so cute. Then, he built what I swear was a tiny village. It was the craziest thing. Then he stacked them into this super tall tower before knocking it over.
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